yesterday was completely what i needed.
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i walk into practice, a little slow & a little down because of the rain. a little sad because i left my "replacement journal" (a couple of pieces of loose leaf paper) at my house. there's something for you in my folder, says jason, it's from me & eric. so, me, not expecting anything, i walk over to his folder, & do you know what is in it? a journal! for me! because i am loved enough by people for them to get me a journal since i was sad because mine was full... i jumped around & hugged them a lot, & it was the highlight of my day.
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practice is fun when jason is your pillow, when megan & i do sign language to tell everyone we love them, when you halfway piss alex off because you're so hyper & jason looks at him funny the rest of the day.
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the pep band/(my brother's) basketball game. for some reason, i was picked up numerous times (by camron, cody, blake, & especially milby who had now seen the beginning of my low self confidence that i am truly working on). i hugged felicia because she was crying, & made her dance & told her she was amazing. i taught just about everyone ceecee my playmate. i became super hyper because of sugar & caffeine. &... camron came.
my stomach was so nervous, so fluttery. you're waiting for someone, aren't you? eric asked me. it was too obvious i was staring at the door. & the one time i wasn't bothering to look, sofi points him out to me. i expected an orange hoodie & his black hat. i got the black hat, but a black shirt under his infamous blue striped one (should've known). we talk a little (never alone), he does the catlike hand thing, i pinch him & he catches my arms, & we fight over whether or not i'm intimidating. we went in the rain to get my journal he bought me, my office space. i didn't say anything to him that i had planned, & i think it's better that way. i didn't hug him & that's the only thing i would change. this is what i needed... confirmation.
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happiness.