newsong, i learned how to shuffle a deck of cards because you taught me. something i'd been trying to do forever. i kept asking you what's wrong but i knew the answer.
i'm not sure what you're sorry for.
-----
nice day. some more newsong, eating at peppers. car rides home are the best. you lean the seat back all the way & tickle me since i'm trapped.
the first time i've ever really been in your house. your room was a mess - boxes for packing, posters on the wall, pictures & drum stuff everywhere. taught your little sister to play trucker & won a game against one of the best because, like you said, being calm made me win.
we sit around. i practice shuffling because i don't know what to say - two bumps on my fingers are the result.
while they move their cars, you explain to me how there's no way i'll be replaced. how, even though you're not right across town anymore, you're still a phone call away. i'm so dependent.
before we leave. you give him his hug & turn to me. i throw my arms around you & the other boy around us says she doesn't want to let go. & he was right.
you keep your arm around me, telling me it's going to be okay. i look at the ground because i'm not so sure.
when i finally let go of you, we just stand around. i wave feebly, not my big happy wave but just a pathetic one. you wave back & i head for the door. be her shoulder, you tell that boy, she'll need it.
-----
i don't want these things to change. i need you, & i don't want that need to change. i don't want you to find someone better than me up there. i don't want you to not want to come home. i don't want you to be three hours away.
but i guess it's like you said. i have to grow up sometime.