i don't want to wait more
1:19 p.m. & 2006-07-29

kitchen conversations with a girl who reminds me of the moon, & playing with my camera as we talk about everything at four o'clock in the morning, an afterproduct of too many mountain dews & the excitement of being together again.

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it's nice to know that he's there for me & that when i message him with i can't sleep the phone rings & he helps me get sleepy.

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he's been fighting for your attention, he tells me. my attention? why would anyone want attention from me? but once it's been pointed out, it's clear to see: going out of his way to sit by me, laying his head on my knee, & defending me when it isn't exactly necessary. i take an initiative (i suppose is what you'd call it) & lay my head on his shoulder. it's comfortable.

i don't want this to go anywhere.

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if anything happens, she'll be the first to know.

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i am "sexually frustrated", they tell me. perhaps i should join ice chewers anonymous.

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i love birthday parties with girls i haven't seen as often as i would've liked this summer. the fact that she loved my gift (stuffed llama) makes it all the more enjoyable. even though my back hurts. he'd give me a back massage.

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playground conversations make me smile, calm me down. we'll sit there, dangling slowly back & forth, speak what's on our minds. when he leaves i'm scared to death i'll be a wreck.

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summer ends tuesday.

you're already missed