four days. four days of bright, bright sand being squished beneath my feet as i walked along the coastline. the waves washed over my toes & i sank deeper & deeper into the earth. calming. rationalizing. i could still taste salt on my fingers if i tried hard enough.
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i wrote him a letter or a postcard for each day i was gone. stupid words that he may or may not understand, a picture of planes for free wishes. shells in an envelope sent across the states. when he finds them i hope he's excited.
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it was the first time i've seen him in over a month. when we hugged, i swear i didn't want to let go.
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yesterday you took me to the park for a picnic - unthawed uncrustables with mountain dew & water. "i'm sorry i don't have the red checkered blanket" you say, "it's just short notice". & i don't mind the least bit, because a pinic was something you knew i'd been wanting the past while, & the fact that you made it happen makes you even more amazing than you already are.
we dodged cars today, running into the street. "i don't want to die!" i proclaim to you. & you hold me closer, your hand lingering on my shoulder & massaging like it used to, & you kissed the top of my head telling me it would be alright.
we were outside, the sun was down, & the wind had gotten colder. when i complained about my cold-natured skin, you wrapped your arms around me, hand moving up & down to keep me warm, your face against mine. we walked that way to the car & i'm not sure i've ever felt so comfortable.
& again, we were fighting for shotgun, just like it should be. your arm slides around my shoulders & i realize i'm acting like i did last winter - & that's not exactly a good thing.
tomorrow is going to be hell... we were never good at goodbyes.